The Woes of Internet Dating

Have you tried internet dating yet?

I put my photo and some info about myself up there on a dating site to see what would happen.   

Well, my inbox was soon full of messages, but almost none of them were worth replying to.  So I thought I would share some of the messages I've received and write some tips for men.   

Attention, men:  this is how you should not write to women you want to date!

These from non-native speakers of English:

"Greetings
Hello Gorgeous, I am here for a true relationship,with totally commitment, that will hopefully end in marriage. although i know that every relationship start friends, after going through some profiles i find yours stand out from the rest, many things about you , your hobby, not to talk of your beautiful photos.  
please feel free to reply me back."

"You are a kind of a person that everyone will celebrate as friend,
I want you to plz give room for my friendship,it will makes me feel like the man 2013 of the year, cos you are the lady of the year to me .I will be glad if you do give room for my friendship
This will be a great moment to me to have you as my friend, i believe you will give me a room to give me a great moment of joy , cos am feeling that you are so gracious and kind, God bless you for the room you gave to me as your friend
You can add me  _____@yahoo.com
Waiting for your mail"

"Interested on your profile"

That was it.  Nothing more. Just:  "interested on your profile."

This from a native speaker of English:

"Hi am totally in too god i dont just say it. I am easy going"

That was it.  Nothing more!

This from an older guy:

"Hi,  I like the "you" that you have presented in your profile and don't want you to leave that age range you have set unless somehow God moves on your heart to do so and fully understand if you would not be attracted to an older guy like me in a way you would have to be to pursue more than friendship with me.
I have been thinking of moving to your part of the world. I was getting to know a woman I met here that lives in your country, and we had a strange disconnect in that she says she believed as I did, but tolerated and appeared to sit under the teaching of false teachers.  At present she believes my attempts to show that men she has taken a liking to is misguided and wrong. Not something I wanted to hear.
If you might want to get better acquainted,
don't hesitate to write."

There were two more paragraphs but none contained a question.  This man doesn't realise that he's essentially telling me that he's not likeable or attractive and that he believes that it's impossible for younger women to like him unless "God moves their heart to do so".  He's basically told me that a) he's very insecure and has no confidence at all, b) he's fixated on this woman he's met on internet dating, c) he has big issues with this woman, d) he has issues with people disagreeing with him, e) he has no idea what is appropriate to write to a stranger, f) he is very negative, g) he is very old mentally and stuck in his ways.  There are more things... but I'll stop there!

This from a 24 year old who looked Caucasian in his photo – maybe Latino?  -

"Hehe your profile name and few.things you wrote made me giggle!!! You're seriously cute!!! Even though you're white I wouldn't mind marrying ya hahaha yeeep I.live in your country for a while.
Id love to get to know ya better!"

I didn't realise I'd put any jokes in my profile...?!!  

"hy baby.  Message:  A kiss isn't a kiss unless it's the one you really love. A hug isn't a hug until it's the one you're thinking of. A dream isn't a dream until you make it come true. And love is just a word until it's proven to you. i love u baby, let have a chat, u can add me on skype --------------@yahoo.com thx stay bless baby."

"hello,
How are you doing over there? You are very beautiful and i`m impressed to know you here, indeed have admitted your beauty, you are very beautiful. Well about me, i`m single and here searching to get with a real lady and have come to like you, hope this letter best described my interest to know you more better with hope you will reply to me.
Looking forward to read from you soon
Nice to meet you"

This is very flattering, but there's nothing in it to indicate that he hasn't just been hitting "paste, send", "paste, send", "paste, send" all day long to thousands of girls. 

So, men: here are my tips!

1.  You sound arrogant, sleazy and full of yourself if you call a complete stranger "babe, gorgeous, baby, hello beautiful" etc.  Save that language for when you are officially dating!

2.  If you want a girl to reply, show her that you've actually read her profile and that you're not just sending the same message to hundreds of girls.  Look at her profile and note down a couple of things that specifically interest you.  Then write her a nice letter, comment on something on her profile and ask a couple of questions.  Tell her a little about yourself.

3.  You MUST ask her a question in your email.  Not something vague but something specifically related to her profile – give her something to work with!!  If there is no question – what is she supposed to write back to you?  Help her!  Every good conversation needs a balance of asking questions and listening and responding to the answers – it's the same with emails.

4.  Don't mention anything negative - especially not to do with a woman you have issues with because she doesn't agree with you!

5.  If you are a native speaker of English – please try to formulate an intelligent message with reasonable spelling and punctuation - show that you did go to school once upon a time, and that you have actually read at least one book in your lifetime.

6.  Check and reread your phrasing - make sure you're not saying:  "I'm insecure and unattractive and it would be a miracle if you wrote back."